Friday, October 31, 2008

On this last day of October....

It wasn’t the first time I had seen her lying in a hospital bed. But I knew this time, she wouldn’t be going home.

The time before that, the doctor tells us, it’s just a matter of time. But we already knew that. She was strong. For those of us who couldn’t be. She told the doctor no more surgeries, no heroic measures. Do not resuscitate. She had to convince her husband that she was ready to go.

I took the Brat to see her because she wanted to go. She loved her Gran Gran, and she wasn’t going to let the fact she was in the hospital stop her. And not to get all “Lion King” on you, but it is part of the circle of life… People live & people die. Even when you don’t want them to. I had actually been okay, up until then. But when I saw her through my baby’s eyes, I couldn’t help but burst into tears. She says, stop all that crying...and come sit on the bed next to me. You know I’m not going to live forever, nobody does. And I don’t want you crying over me. I just want you to spend some time with me while I’m here.

So we did. As much as we could. She was never in that room alone. She had her husband, her children, and her grandchildren there round the clock. And she had visitors. We spent so much time there, the hospital staff had given up on trying to get us to leave after visiting hours, and just put her in a private room, so no room-mate had to deal with all of her family & friends.

She wanted to go home. She didn’t want to be in the hospital. She came home, finally, but not for long. Her cancer left her body broken, but not her spirit. She hung on longer than they told us she would. She was stubborn as hell. She told us she couldn’t go because who was going to take care of her husband? Who was gonna cook and clean?

In the end, it was US who had to tell HER it was okay for her to go. The Boy who had been coming to see her religiously after school, sang her a song. Told her he was going to miss her, but that it was okay, he knew she would be better once she left us. The girl, who had just turned 12, said SHE would take care of Papa, she didn’t have to worry. I told her that I loved her, and that I’m so glad that my Mother in Law was a Mother I could love, as I did my own. I’d been bogarting my way into the family since I was 15 years old…and I loved her for accepting me as a daughter, even before I became one.

Nobody wanted to leave that last time. She had been brought by ambulance, and we knew this was IT. But as the room got cold, and crowded, we all spread out over the hospital. We wanted for my Father in Law to have some time to say whatever it was he wanted to say. Alone. The nurse shook me awake in the waiting room, and while I was still trying to figure out where I was, told me my MIL had passed.

She passed at 11:20PM on October 30, 2007. When we buried her, she was wearing her Live Strong bracelet which she didn’t go anywhere without, and a pink ribbon.

She gave us strength and courage to face the truth of her situation. She held our hands as we cried against the unfairness of it all, and wiped our tears. She is missed. She IS loved.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Party Like a Rock Star

And not in a trashing a hotel kind of way.

I'm talking about going out. See...I was going to post about something completely different today, but...well, I'm not. I'm going to talk about going out in the middle of the week, like I can sleep til noon.

When you are "regular people", which, I certainly AM, there are certain things you shouldn't do:

  1. Drink & Drive. Checking into rehab with not stop Mr. Police officer from arresting your ass and you will probably get your license revoked.

  2. Make a sex tape. Unless you are banging somebody famous, nobody cares. Really.

  3. Get caught with a hooker. They very rarely look like Julia Roberts, and you can bet your ass they'll be no happy ending. Well, they'll be "happy ending"...but, you know what I mean.

  4. Hang out until after midnight, when you know you have to get up at 5 AM to go to your REAL JOB. This would also include going out on Sunday because you have work the next morning.. or going out in the middle of the week.
Guess what rule I decided to break? Heyyyy!! You stop that, I would never pay for sex and videos make you look 10 lbs heavier, and believe me, I'm heavy enough. And I know you wouldn't insult me by guessing #1.

Right. So yesterday, I get a text message to my phone, saying I've won a ticket to come on down and check out the new Blackberry Storm. They're having a launch party. (Only in LA would they have a party/concert for a PHONE. C'mon down and check out our new PHONE?! And in return, check out this band. REALLY? Yes, really. And it was complete with a red carpet, stars AND papparazzi.)

So now? Back at work, dragging ass. Because I can't resist 1) free booze 2)concerts 3) free booze AND concerts together. I apparently CAN resist my common sense.

I e-mail my co-worker to tell about last nights adventures and to send her pictures of her favorite drummer in the whole wide world, and she says that she wished SHE coulda went, but she's a grown up and can't be going out on a Wednesday night. I say, well if you were childish & immature like me*, you know what you woulda got?

The Set List.

*My husband says that I'm a stalker. So I looked it up: [stawk] an act or course of stalking quarry, prey, or the like (if by the like you mean, A BAND). Hmm...*whistling & trying to look innocent* Nawww, Not Me....

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The best weekend ever

This weekend was like a perfect summer weekend. You that makes you want to get up and go outside. And you're not really worried about tomorrow, because's SUMMER, and the summer is for fun, not worrying. It was one of those weekends where you want to hang out with friends and eat BBQ.

Saturday, I went to a Halloween party.

Sunday, I grabbed my cousin and we headed to Pomona Fairplex. Yep, it was:
Bikes, Booze and Boys with Tattoos. And BBQ. It had been going on all weekend. And they were ending with a bang. There was the Harley Davidson Love Ride, and a concert with ZZ Top. Ohh...there was some other band there. Heh.

It was a girl's dream. If you are a girl who likes to watch. PEOPLE. And has always wanted her own motorcycle. Which, I am. There were Harley Davidson's for miles and miles. Bikes so
Beautiful that I wanted to marry them and have their little bikey, leather & chrome babies.

So beautiful that even though I had been holding fast to my "NO"for many months, I told The Man that he could buy himself a Harley. (Though I will admit to having an ulterior motive: He buys, I still get to ride)

And the people...I'm not exactly star-struck. But I do love to watch "stars" doing regular people stuff. We were standing by the VIP entrance, because that's where the shade was. And while we were there we saw:

  • Cast of Sons of Anarchy
  • Peter Fonda
  • Duff & Slash of GNR/Velvet Revolver
  • Gene Simmons
  • Jay Leno
  • Various Porn Stars (8 of them...I counted)
  • And other people who's face I know, but name...not so much. And stars don't like it when you ask them "Hey...are you SOMEbody?" I'm not saying I'm done that, I'm uhh...guessing.
Most of whom rode their Harleys to the shingdig. Not the Porn Stars though...they swooped in on their giant dildos/sports cars...Which I wouldn't know if I hadn't seen 1 or 2 of them posing on top of a corvette in different stages of undress while teen-aged boys took pictures of and/or with them creating puddles of drool that would take more than one Bounty sheet to clean up, that's fer sure.

But I digress. There were people EVERYWHERE. There were all these people, this lady, and this guy, and these 2 jokers...

And then there was the main attraction:
Still with the furry guitars... And some special guests...

The concerts started early...and ended early as well. After all, it ISN'T summertime, it's October. And we have to get home for work and school and whatever else we do during the week so makes us long for the the weekend.

So I'm back at work, I'm exhausted from too much fun and not enough sleep.

Is it Friday yet?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

And this is why I love him

I have to say it. The Man is a good sport.

The set up:
I chose to be comfortable this Halloween. I'm still crippled a little bit, and so I went for comfort with a little cute thrown in. So khaki shirt/pants and some boots. After all, I'm a girl on safari... not a skank on vacation. So I get ready to go to the 1st of a couple of parties that day, and while he's in the shower, I put his costume on the bed.

He goes in the bedroom, and I hear...silence. Nothing. No screaming, wailing or gnashing of teeth. I go in to make sure he hadn't spontaneously combusted from shock, he says, " I didn't ask for one pocket, I asked for two."

Nope, what you said was "I don't care if I go as one big pocket, as long as I have somewhere to put my stuff." So here you go sweetie. Plenty of room for your stuff. I do believe that's the last thing I said before I started laughing so hard, that I had to go back and re-apply my eyeliner.

What's not to love about a man willing to dress up as a kangaroo for you?*

*And by the way baby...can you hold my lipstick and the camera AND some extra batteries? I don't want to carry my purse. Do you have any room in your POCKET?

Bonus pic of me & the girls at the end of the night. Good Times.

And yes. There WAS a Mr. Incredible. LOL.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hit Dog Will Holler**....

And other random country sayings my mother said that just now make sense.

So. 'Member how I said that I had the costumes ALL picked out for Halloween? Well I was gonna be this:

Girl on Safari. After all. Who else was gonna be able to corral a kangaroo? I knew the kangaroo costume was gonna be a risk, but what woman who is married to a Marine is NOT a risk taker? Certainly not me. Well I got my costume folks and let me tell you. God does NOT like ugly*. (Translation: While I was yucking it up over The Man's costume, that damn kangaroo karma came around and kicked me square in the ass. And did it ever). My costume. So cute online? I even got the EXTRA large, because I know better than to think they would make that costume for regular sized people, so I figured I'd get the next size up... Well. Apparently it only comes in ONE size. SMEDIUM. You know, supposed to be regular sized, but really a small? Yeah. REALLY SMALL.

As I looked around, I saw that I had a very small selection of comfortable costumes, but I could be slutty or skanky in a variety of colors and sizes. Take for instance, this costume.

Still "Girl on Safari" albeit a skankier version. Replace buttons with corset, and no sleeves. Wouldn't a girl on a safari need sleeves? It gets hot in Australia...I would need SOME kind of protection from the sun, wouldn'tcha think? It also came with the world's tiniest skirt attached. A skirt so tiny, that I would go out & get panties that said "If you can read this, kiss my ass..since you're already down there" (that probably could ALL fit on my backside. Heh) How do I know? I ordered it too, as a back up.

Ordered a large, packaging SAYS large. Dress says: smedium. Literally.

So. Me 2 costumes, The Man - just one.

But don't worry, the costume party is Saturday, and I will be a girl on safari. Somehow.

Just watch me.

* where does my mom GET these sayings? Oh yeah. Arkansas.
**Hit dog will holler - So, I told my friend at work what I'm dressing The Man up as Halloween, she said you are SOOO evil. Ouch! Who threw that rock...?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Tits & Tats

This month is not just about MY BIRTHDAY...which, it still is, thank-you-very-much... It's also about my boobs.

I know...nice rack, right?

Contrary to what you think, this is NOT a peep show, it's a Public Service Announcement. It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So....Show 'em your tits! And by them, I mean: YOUR DOCTOR. (See..? Not an invitation to flash just any ol' body) Know if you are a high risk. Feel yourself up monthly. And when it's time...Get checked.

And in keeping with the theme thinking pink...I got this here tattoo in honor of my MIL. She was a cool broad, and even though she lost her fight with breast cancer last year, she went down swinging. She meant as much to me as my own mother and she will be missed for a long time to come. And by a long time, I mean forever.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Movie Monday!

So I saw a couple of movies over the weekend. And now for your enjoyment (and mine) I’m going to attempt to connect the movies aka Play Six Degrees of…Keri Russell (Just like 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon, only…not):

Saturday morning was pretty uneventful. The Man was outside mowing the lawn, my friends were driving down from out of town...and I was still in bed. I get up pretty much every morning at 5AM, dammit, so I figured lollygagging on a Saturday was allowed. And since I don’t watch TV much, I thought I’d watch a movie that I bought a couple of weeks ago. It’s an oldie but goodie:

Yep. I puffy heart and rainbows this movie. I really, REALLY do. Cool songs, Aerosmith with a young Steven Tyler (DAMN)…even Earth, Wind & Fire who may or may not be in concert NOW and if they are I’m TOTALLY going to see them. Completely unrelated, but still true.

Anyways, Sgt. Pepper starred the Bee Gees, Peter Frampton and George Burns…who, incidentally was ANCIENT…even then. And this guy. Who is absolutely hilarious. Except for in those Cheaper by the Dozen movies. Which I hate. Anyways, Steve Martin also did some time in The Little Shop of Horrors. Another oldie but goodie. With Tisha Campbell. Hasn’t been in anything that I can remember in forever, except Martin…but 1) that’s not recent and 2) we’re talking movies here. So! Moving along, Spike Lee tried to help Tisha Campbell out with some flicks, and so he put her in School Daze. Y’all ‘member this movie? Spike is a generous fellow, and so also put this guy in that flick too. Samuel mother fuckin' Jackson. Who, incidentally is mighty fine looking in person. MIGHTY FINE.

Mr. Jackson...because I'm nasty y'all... was in Pulp Fiction. With Ving Rhames.He was taking his life in his hands by starring in a little movie with Tom "couch jumping" Cruise called Mission Impossible III. Which also, in case you were interested, starred Keri Russell.

Why would I play a game that includes Keri Russell, you ask? Well, SHE was in TWO of the movies I saw this weekend: August Rush and Waitress. See? Not as unconnected as you'd think.

But...If you're interested...Remember how I told you that Keri Russell was in MI III, with Tom "I'm crazy" Cruise? Well Mr. Cruise was in A Few Good Men, which is, a damn good Marine Corp Movie with none other than:


Thursday, October 16, 2008

The stars are NOT out...

Today was somewhat of a lazy day. I took the day off so I could do some school stuff and quite possibly go to a movie. Well, I did the school stuff...but then I got a better offer. I went on a Warner Brothers studio tour!

The last tour that I remember is the Universal Back Lot tour, in which I ended up on the set of some movie because I had wandered off, and I ran into Steven Spielberg who directed me back to where I should have been in the first place. But that was AGES ago.

Anyhooters, I had the day off and my cousin wanted to take me over there, so off we went. I'm not necessarily a star stalker, well...not unless you're this guy, and I probably wouldn't recognize you unless you were in a movie because I don't watch TV much. But you'd figure you'd see a COUPLE of stars on a working lot, right?

I saw where they film ER. The ambulances (which are real) parked at what I'm guessing was the "back of the hospital", I saw "Chicago" where ER is filmed... I saw lights, and cameras...and no action. Not an actor in sight.

I saw the woods where they taped True Blood, one of my favorite new TV shows. Comes on HBO and if you haven't seen it, you're missing out. Really. They showed us Merlotte's, the lagoon where they filmed Treasure Island (which is incidentally, the same "woods"), and they filmed parts of The Last Samurai there.

Also in the woods, I saw: A random folding chair, and some squirrels.

No people. No actor-types, not even a under-fed starlet. WTF?

The tour was fabulous. I saw the set for Chuck, the Friends old set, where they filmed Gilmore Girls...which is one of my favorite shows and the street where they filmed Rent (Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes...). I even got sorted by the sorting hat: Slytherin. Me? Sneaky? Nooo... LOL.

And to top it off...I went to McCormick & Schmicks's across the street from the Warner Brothers lot for lunch. I had a long island ice tea, because they are so good there. I reached down to pick up my napkin and look back up to see the wait staff ushering big & famous star into a booth and pulling the curtain so they can eat in peace. Well, damn. I missed it.

So I guess there were no stars out today. I guess I'll do my star gazing like I always do, when they randomly end up visiting the hospital for whatever it is, they come there for. Let's just hope it's not while I'm singing in the bathroom thinking I'm alone.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Some accidental outings...

* Or the surprises are on ME.

So blogger crapped out at work the other day. Wreaking devestation all over my blog. Missing posts, deleted pictures. Damn & double damn. Some of those were pretty darn funny. And I'm sure nothing I say will ever be as enlightening (haha..) as whatever I said then. I'm sure it changed lives, and encouraged people. Because that's just the way I am.

So please. A moment of silence for my murdered posts. My words of infinite wisdom shall be missed.

Surprise #2

So I’ve had this blog for a while…you know, I putter around the blogosphere reading and thinking damn! now THAT was an awesome post…and then I start wondering what the hell am I going to write about... Welllll, I’m going to write about ME. After all, that’s what this blog is about right? The Good, the bad, the ugly (says so right on my profile): Me. Sneaky sneaky sir. I didn’t tell anybody about it, just started writing it. I participate in swaps, and memes and themed writing (oh my!) and I write about whatever I want because nobody knows me. I mean… you KNOW me, but you don’t know me know me.

So then, my friend tells me about a blog, and I read that blog and comment because she is hysterically funny. And she takes pity on me reads MY blog and comments, and THEN she tells HER friend, who is my friend: Hey, this sounds like your friend. Is everybody confused yet? Good. Because then she calls me to say HEYYYY… do you have a blog? To which, I didn’t quite reply (think about it… I didn’t.) I said hmm….well I’ll have to check that out. Which I did. And then, I figured if I was gonna be outed, I may as well give her a shout out:

To the Elf named Yoshi. Hi. See you on Sunday.

And a special shout out to the accidental outer: Mamasphere. So are you gonna come to the going away party at the house?

Monday, October 13, 2008

A tale of two costumes

Well, I've been hemming and hawing about Halloween time and now it's almost here. What are we gonna be for Halloween, dude? Wouldn't be such a big deal, but a friend of his throws a party every year, and now that we're local, we make it a point to attend. He does not know. But, in the way of The Man, who tries to avoid shopping whenever possible...he says whatever I choose is fine with him. What if I put you in a dress? Whatever, he says. I'm not shopping, so I can't be mad at whatever costume YOU pick. And can you just picture where I'm going with this? It's become like a game.

2 years ago...

Except I didn't look as slutty because I'm short AND I couldn't find red sequined shoes..Mmm hmm..that's the ONLY reason. Oh, did I have a good laugh at his expense that year. Mr. I'm-using-a-string-as-a-belt. Hee.

I figured that the next time I asked for his input he will be QUICK to have an opinion. I figured wrong...

Last year...

He DIDN'T have an opinion. I asked him, I did. But when he wouldn't give me a straight answer...well, I picked something cute for me and got him the matching outfit. AND, I sprung it on him the day of the Halloween Party. I am the greatest wife ever, and please don't forget it.

In my defense, MY costume did not come with a wig, just a cute HOW was I to know that his would come complete with sailor hat and ribbon hair? I wasn't. Can I tell you I just about peed my shorts (that I DID wear underneath that teeny skirt...I'm a grown woman, you do NOT want to see what's up there when the wind kicks up) when he put the whole get up on? He either loves me, or is plotting very serious revenge.

After this costume, The Man got a little hostile because his costume did not have...pockets. Nevermind that I take him out in public looking completely ridiculous, his big beef is he has nowhere to store his wallet. I mean, it's not like I'm not carrying a PURSE or anything like that. No, he wants to carry his own shit, and not come to me for money, or his keys, or cigarettes.

So. We can go as cowboys & indian. Cowboys wear jeans and those have POCKETS. No? Really. about baseball players? Umm..nooo. Now I'M starting to get irritated. Well what the hell do you want to be?! A freakin' GLADIATOR?! Hell, nah. That does NOT have pockets. And that toga gets COLD. Fine. We're walking through Target (aka "the mugger") and I see a chicken costume...How about that one? It does TOO have pockets. No. Okay.

I've asked you a baJILLION times what the hell you want to wear as a costume, you've been difficult - I'm sure on purpose, just to drive me batshit. Well, it worked, unfortunately for you. Say hello to your costume:

It's got one BIG GIANT pocket. RIGHT. IN. FRONT.
You will not only be able to put the car keys in there, you could probably put the WHOLE DAMN CAR. Or maybe we can forgo the car altogether, and you can hop me on over to the party in your big fucking pocket?
I really hope that since he was so adamant about his costume having pockets, he appreciates my wifely spite wish to give The Man what he asked for.
Do you think next year, I'll STILL be allowed to pick out the costumes? How do you top a KANGAROO?

Saturday, October 11, 2008

But can you put it in a song?

I LOVE musicals. Really. In the last year, I've seen Chicago, Phantom of the Opera, The Color Purple, Wicked, The Music Man...and Annie's up next. And that's just on stage. I won't even get into the movies. Or at least, not right now. Heh.

The Man...well, he does not love them. He says it's not like musicals are useful in REAL LIFE. Or are they...? Did you know that they can also serve as warnings? Anybody seen the Music Man? Go ahead take a look at my favorite part. I'll wait. These are actual e-mails that I sent out today:

Warning #1

I got an e-mail from Fredericks of Hollywood. They're having a sale! (I know, I'm not really advertising...I'm sending you a warning) And so my friends...I wanna talk about trouble my friends...Right here in River City. With a capital T that rhymes with P and stands for PANTIES!

Because you know where THIS road will lead. They'll pull a Target on you. You will go in there thinking that you will probably only spend $20 and $100 later, you'll be leaving dazed and confused and trying to figure out how they stripped you of all your spending cash.

Or I guess, if you've got big bucks to spend and a hankering to update your lingerie...Corsets and bras and panties, oh my!

Warning #2

I was driving the Brat to school and we drive by a Marie Callendar's every day. Mmmm...I love their pies. Well, I don't know if you know this, but twice a year...and conveniently in my birthday month, their pies go on sale. I say, Trouble. With a capital T that rhymes with P and stands for PIES.

$6 pies. So yummy, so cheap, to make me forget that I'm trying to lose weight, and so I'll go right out and buy a SOUR CREAM LEMON pie because nobody likes those but me, so I don't have to share, so it can take me as long as I want to eat it.

This last one, not so much a warning...or maybe not a COMPLETE warning. A warning and an FYI...? This time I say trouble. Right here in River City! With a capital T that rhymes with B and stands for BIRTHDAY*! YAY!

*This Random & Ridiculous post is brought to you by the BIRTHDAY GIRL. If you see me out, go ahead, buy me a shot of chocolate cake...cause Trouble is also with a capital T that rhymes with D and stands for Drinkin'. Ha.

Friday, October 10, 2008

An update

So...The Man got released this evening. He's tired, and hungry. Which IS a good thing, because that means that he's feeling better.

I thank you for all of your well wishes from the Internet. HE thanks all of the well wishers. Then he says, "How much do they know about me...?" I told him that I would stop posting his naked pictures..if he insists.

...Sometimes, I think he doesn't have a sense of humor...

Friday, October 3, 2008

They say it's your birthday

Okay. THEY don't actually say it. Probably because it isn't. YET. But, my birthday IS in October, and in my world..that gives me cause to celebrate ALL. MONTH. LONG. And that means I can wear this:

Until the end of the month. You know I'm a hit with my co-workers. LOL. (well... except my supervisor)

This also means I am allowed to use "because I'm the birthday girl" to weasel out of any/all unpleasant tasks this month. I can also give this as a reason for speeding, drinking too much, saying things I would usually keep to myself, and wearing these:

(I'm the birthday girl, 'member? but if it makes you feel better, they match the outfit AND are somewhat obscured by boots) Who says I don't have style?

And I am going to celebrate. In fact, I'm booked every Saturday (and a few Sundays) this month. This month, I'm gonna: Go to a play, Party it up-my birthday is on a Saturday, go to the Price is Right (I know..but I've never been and it's down the street), go line dancing, go to a Halloween party --still don't know what I'm going as, but that's for another post. LOL, AND go to the Harley Davidson Love Ride and see ZZ top in concert (did I forget to mention the Foo will be there? heh two birds, one stone).
This year, I even know what I want for presents. Which will be the first time ever: A new digital camera, and violin lessons. Random, I know. But hey, I'm the birthday girl.
Now if only I could use that logic to win the lottery.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

WTF Wednesday

I am not so full of myself that I think that everybody likes me. MOST people like me (must be the Libra in me), but there are some jerks people that don’t. All I ask from anybody is honesty. If you don’t like me, then don’t pretend. I’m perfectly okay with the polite “Good Morning”, and then ignoring me for the rest of the day. REALLY.

What I hate? People who pretend to like you, but then say fucked up things that make it clear they don’t. Example: I know my supervisor can’t stand my ass. LOL. The crazy part is, she doesn’t not like me because of something that I’VE done. She just can’t stand the fact that her boss, and the BIG boss love me. So, she spends her time trying to find something wrong. Whatev. I’m a good employee and she knows it.

Because I’m a good employee who is PROFESSIONAL, I speak when she speaks. I don’t have time for small talk with you because 1) I have a job to do, and it keeps me busy, and 2) I don’t feel the need to conversate with people who don’t like me. Occasionally though, I’ll shoot the shit if it looks like she’s not going to go away until I do.

Today, I had my new purse on my desk:

Cute right? On the way to Vegas, I stopped at the Coach outlet and they were having a massive sale. So massive, that I actually bought TWO bags, and still spend way under $150.

My supervisor: Oh, that’s a cute bag, where’d you get it? Blah, blah blah…Yeah. It’s a great purse. FOR SPRING.

Umm..I live in LA. There ARE no seasons here. It’s 98 degrees and it’s OCTOBER. It’s a great purse. Period. You really could have kept your snarky comment to yourself. Especially, since you came over here to me running your mouth, and I have never even pretended to be interested in anybody's opinion of whether or not I'm fashionable.

Next time you want to try to be the fashion police, be above reproach. Or I will be forced to point out that nobody looks good in high waisted pants. Not even you.