Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I guess I have to take the bad with the good... because the good is SO good

I LOVE to go to concerts. I HATE to go to concerts. That thought occurred to me the other night as I was in Las Vegas watching Them Crooked Vultures at the Joint. And then I had a fleeting thought...should I stop going? So, I wrote a list:

1. Standing. The best place to see a concert is in the Standing Room Only (Pit/General Admission) and there ain't a chair in sight. After walking around Vegas all day, my feet hurt. A LOT. Also, if there is an asshole within 100 yards, you can bet your sweet ass he/she/THEY will be standing next to me.

2. Fights. Random mosher almost starting a brawl because he doesn't understand that NOBODY AROUND HIM WANTS TO MOSH? Check. I'll bet you can guess where he was standing.

3. Couples. Yes. Okay. I get guys are in love. Get a room. (yeah, yeah...I'm old. So what? Also? Get off my lawn)

4. Lines. Do I *really* want to get in line almost 2 hours early so that I can stand at the rail? No. I didn't.

5. People. I. HATE. PEOPLE. Especially tall people (aside from my unnatural fear of them) who stand in front of short people like they don't know all I can see is your BACK because you're like PAUL FUCKING  BUNYON and I'm 5'3 and 1/2 thankyouverymuch and my neck is killing me from trying to see over/around you.


1. Josh Homme of Them Crooked Vultures/ Queens of the Stone Age drinking Ketel One Vodka STRAIGHT from the bottle and smoking a cigarette on stage. (I would have taken a picture but see Con #5. Fucker)

2. But I did get THIS picture:

yeah...not on the rail. But still close.

3. I went to ANOTHER concert yesterday where even though I was there to see Taylor Hawkins & The Coattail Riders and THIS GUY showed up:

If you don't know who this guy is and how much I heart him...
get off my page. Go on, now..shoo.

After my VERY scientific study, I'm sure you will agree that the Pros TOTALLY outweigh the Cons. In fact, I'm not even sure what the hell I was complaining about.

So please stay tuned for the next concert experience.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The joke that probably almost gave my husband a heart attack, or at the very least several small strokes

I can't remember ever trying to pull an April Fool's Day joke on The Man. I mean, I think I once half-assedly tried to convince him that I was pregnant. But. You know. It's a much scarier joke when you're single, not already married with one kid you didn't expect.

This year the joke wasn't even mine. It was The Boy's. He called me earlier today to tell me that he was going to be coming home for a few days of his spring break. Awesome. He calls me around 9pm and says he has bad news. He tells me that he & his friend got pulled over and the cops found bags of weed...(cue the choking up) and uhh....he thinks they're gonna get arrested for possession with intent to sell.

Let me just say that normally, this would have freaked me out but I remembered that today was April Fool's Day AND neither he OR his friend smoke weed. So instead of going apeshit, I say, "Uh huh. Well you may as well tell me this is a joke now. Because I'm too tired to come bail you out of jail." Silence. Then, "Yeah, I was trying really hard to fool you.." Mmm hmm... You and your friends are assholes for trying to scare the living hell outta me. Even if I didn't... Have you called your Dad and tried to prank him?

So I'm sure you know where this is leading. OH PLEASE, let me call your dad... Sooo...I just got a call from The Boy and he says that he's gonna be arrested for possession and...and....OMG, can you please call him? He says he's in the Valley.

The Boy says that he got him good. He said that The Man was good & freaked out.. My guess is that The Man had a flashback of all the hell he got into at his age, and forgot that we raised a pretty decent kid.

I haven't talked to him yet. Because I called him while he was hanging out with the boys. I don't think he's gonna drop everything to come straight home to punch me in the eye, but he's gonna come home eventually.

Payback is gonna be a bitch.