Because nobody is holier than thou...

So let's talk about meat, shall we?

I eat it. Because I can. Because I like it. Especially with BBQ sauce (insert your own racially insensitive comment here. I wrote that ESPECIALLY for you, Momo) AHEM. I am digressing.

I don't think you're an asshole because you don't eat meat. Fuck. My Dad and my evil stepmother (she's not evil at all. It's just so much fun to call her that) are hardcore vegan types. Which is cool. I try to make sure they have some grass to graze when they come over, and they try to make sure we meat eating types don't starve when we come to dinner. SEE? RESPECT. It goes both ways.*

I have a niece who has recently decided to go vegan. HARD CORE PETA type vegan. As in, "Now I look down upon you because you are a meat eater" vegan. OH. MY. GAWD, y'all. I was all...Is she gonna be one of those ASSHOLE vegans, who now is going to try to convert me, one facebook post at a time?

I think the answer to that was yes, y'all. How do you tell someone that you have no plans to give up your meat-eating ways...?

(I took out the video, because...UGH)
Also? I guess I should tell you that profile pic isn't her.



I dunno. You think she got the hint? I REALLY hope that I wasn't too subtle.




* One time the boy came home and told me he was gonna go vegetarian, and I told him YOU NEED A JOB SO YOU CAN AFFORD TO EAT THAT WAY. And then the next day, I came home from work and he was eating a plate of bacon. The quickest change of mind ever.



Reply All

It all started last Thursday. I received a random e-mail which CLEARLY was a mistake. Of course it was sent to a bunch of e-mail groups. But. Do you know what *I* do when I get e-mails that are CLEARLY sent to me mistakenly? I ignore and/or them. Unless I receive more than one. I mean, because, really? How many times will people:

1. Reply ALL
2. Request to be removed from the mailing list

 Let me tell you: MORE THAN 50 TIMES.

Remember how I said that normally, I just ignore/delete them?

Yeah, so apparently, all it takes is for me to come in first thing in the morning and find ONE. MORE. E-MAIL. And then this happens:

Hello Everyone (including: various MDs, my supervisor, AND my manager*),

Perhaps you are not aware of this, but TO THE LEFT of the REPLY ALL button, is the REPLY button. If you are unclear on when it is appropriate to use, please use THIS GUIDE.

THANKS! 

*It also went to the Manager of SOME IMPORTANT DEPARTMENT. He said he will be sending that link to his staff. So. I guess they don’t plan to fire me for my insubordinance. YET.

Well it IS February

Every February I e-mail my co-workers a BLACK HISTORY FACT OF THE DAY. I feel like I should say it in all caps, so that it can look important. I don't remember how it started. Probably because I enjoy doing things people don't expect. Whatever. The point is that I send them. Regardless of how I feel about Black History Month. Which, don't get me started. Anyways, these days my sissie and I split the duties of sharing ::cue announcer voice:: MOMENTS IN BLACK HISTORY-Ry-ry (Yes, I kinda feel like it should have an echo, ya dig?) 

But yesterday started my downhill slide into sickness. I'm not sure that I should be allowed to send e-mails that will be shared with her fancy co-workers when clearly I AM NOT WELL. Don't believe me? I present, without further comment, yesterday's Black History fact which was alternatively titled: My love/hate relationship with Disney:

(Howdy. I’ll lobbing you all a gimme, because I’m starting to feel as though I’m being attacked by cooties. The bad kind. But I’m at work – I AM NOT CONTAGIOUS, and since I forgot the fact that I *actually* wanted to use, please to enjoy this one. Sissie – Don’t you use my fact tomorrow. LOL)

You know how when you feel sick, and you just wanna curl up in your bed with hot cocoa in your comfy jimmies jammies (DAMN YOU AUTO-CORRECT. I said JAMMIES, NOT JIMMIES. I can’t imagine that wearing sprinkles is in any way comfortable), and maybe watch craptastic television while intermittently feeling sorry for yourself, and sleeping, and drinking water (because being hydrated is important, especially when you’re sick!). Me personally? I like to watch movies. Disney movies to be exact. My favorite is actually Aladdin (Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa!), which I could watch a bajillion times. And I have a love/hate relationship with both the Lion King and the Jungle Book. I mean, clearly both movies are about black people, except the black people are ANIMALS and…*cough* sorry. I’m getting off my soap box RIGHT NOW.

ANYWAYS...And Beauty and the Beast. I mean, Disney makes the best princess movies, you guys. Pocahontas not withstanding. Colors of the wind. Hmph.

Still though. Kinda hard to believe that it took Disney until 2009 to create the first African American Disney Princess (The Frog Princess: Tiana. Seriously though. What’s up with the animal references?)

And there you go! Today’s fact buried in my random ramblings about Disney and that fact that even the auto-correct on my Outlook is doing it wrong.

This is why opinions are like assholes...

Because everybody has one.

I have been told that I am not very black. Which...What does that even mean?

Who gets to decide how black is black? I'm not black enough because I grew up in the suburbs? Because I went to predominately white schools? Because I speak WELL (which is usually phrased as "you sound like you're white"...which is another thing I don't understand)? Because I prefer alternative music to hip hop? Because I go to Renaissance Faires?  BECAUSE I DON'T DO THINGS YOU THINK BLACK PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO DO?

The list goes on and on.

I grew up in the suburbs because my parents wanted to live there. At five years old, I was in no position to have opinion on where I lived. Also? I should mention that I have gone to schools catered to gifted type students for as long as I've been getting an education. Yes. I'm a super smart motherfucker. And on top of that, my father would pop me right in the mouth for saying things like "huh?" and "yeah". So there was additional incentive to speaking properly. And just because I PREFER alternative to hip hop, doesn't mean I don't ever listen to Jazz, or R&B, or even rap. If I feel like it. I go to Ren Faires because they're fun. And my mom used to take me when I was a kid growing up. And I am keeping the tradition going by taking my kid when the Ren Faire returns to Southern California.

But these things are neither here or there. Because I'm going to let you in on a little secret: There is no measuring stick on blackness. I am black; therefore, everything I do is something that a black person does. Even if that black person is just me.

I'm black because it's what my father is, and what my mother (mostly) is. Like most, I am a mixture of other things. But I identify MYSELF as black.

So who are you to tell me I'm not?

You can blame this rant on mochamomma and grace. And the fact that people can be assholes.

This should totally be a Weight Loss Wednesday post...

Except, I haven't lost any weight.
Because I haven't been to the gym all week.
Because I've been too busy playing hide and go tweet with THESE GUYS.

Somehow, though...I managed to lose an inch on my waist though.

Not ungrateful. But still. I can do better.
And then, this Sunday was the Super Bowl...So I'm sure you already know that any thoughts of "eating healthy" went right out the window, when the pizza (it was spinach and feta cheese, does that count?) got to the house.

So. Gym tonight, and healthy food type things until next Wednesday's post. Deal?

Weight Loss Wednesday: The What I've learned from tracking my foods edition

• There’s too much salt in my diet
• There are too many CARBS(“SUGAR”) in my fancy hot beverage
• EGGS HAVE TOO MUCH CHOLESTEROL
• I felt bad having to type in I had 3 Yard House Beers. But not bad enough not to drink them
• I need to workout to obtain more calories to eat I need to go to the gym more.
• I WILL go to the gym if it means I can have dessert (my husband bought me a sour cream lemon pie. He is a saboteur)
• Maintaining my hair is a bitch when I go to the gym every day
• I can feel that my clothes fit differently, BUT. I can’t find my tape measure. This is also The Man’s fault.
• Sometimes, livestrong recommends things with lower calories than what I just ate
• But. If you recommend that I eat a tub of frosting because it’s less calories than something healthy, you’re doing it wrong.

 

Also? I NEED a cheat day. That cheat day is going to be SUPERBOWL SUNDAY.

 

Happy Monday!

Now that I have to be at work at 6! AM! on Mondays, I have to get up pretty early to get to work on time. Luckily though, because it's so early, I can leave a little bit later and still make it in to work on time.

I don't know WHY it seemed like such a good idea to be unable to sleep until 1 o'clock in the morning. But there it is. I figured that I could come home and nap it off, since getting to work early means leaving early.

And because I was so tired, I waited until the last possible minute to get up. In my case, 5AM. I will need to get out of the house by 5:30. MAX.

And because I put on make-up almost every morning, OF COURSE I WAS RUNNING LATE.

And because I was running late, and I'm not the kind of asshole who wakes up EVERYBODY in the house, just because I'm up, I got dressed in the dark.

And because I got dressed in the dark, this happened:

Would now be a good time to tell you that I have the EXACT SAME BOOT IN TWO DIFFERENT COLORS?

Thank God I keep an extra pair of shoes at work.

My fancy argyle tights y'all. I'm SUCH an adult.

Yeah, this Monday is shaping up to be a real winner.