2nd Wives Club

In less than a week I will have a new mother-in-law.

I'm not really sure how I feel about that. Okay, well...that's not entirely true. I like Miss D. I've always liked her. She was an old friend of my husband's Mom, she went to their church, SHE was always nice to me even when the other ol' bitches would make snide remarks about me getting knocked up before me & The Man got married. She was at The Man's going away party for Boot Camp and every welcome back party (from Kuwait, Iraq, Afghanistan) I've had. And I've pretty much always thought she was awesome.

I remember when my MIL was in and out of the hospital and we were discussing all the church ladies (ahem. VULTURES) circling my FIL bringing food and offering a "sympathetic ear" (I guess that's what the old folks is calling it) and basically hoping they could ease their way into being Wife #2.

Hazy memories hazy memories FUNERAL more hazy memories......and then Miss D was there. I don't even know when they started dating. All I know is that in almost a year later, my FIL took Miss D to HIS Mom-In-Law's funeral (and all I could think was "the fuck? did he really bring a date to a funeral?!") Then he pulled me to the side and told me that he really liked Miss D a lot and he didn’t know what was next but he wanted to know if I was okay with it.

My response? If you’re happy, then I’m happy. And I’ve always kinda believed that older people –the 60 years and older set - get married quicker ‘cause they don’t wanna waste time (one foot in the grave and the other one on a banana peel, don’tcha know).

Fast forward to this past Sunday:
She had a bridal shower, which I was all, talk about last minute notice…but apparently she had MEANT to tell me earlier but it slipped her mind in the chaos that has been her life trying to prepare for her wedding (They’re called invitations, people. Send them). I was late, because I had a school project to attend (I swear school is taking over my freaking life).

I didn’t have time to go out & buy her a completely inappropriate gift, which I’m still gonna because that’s how I roll. AND I got there just in time for dinner. Heh. So, I’m sitting with Miss D and The Man’s aunties, and they’re discussing weddings.

Auntie #1: I didn’t care that my husband had a big wedding with his 1st wife, it was MY first wedding and I wanted a big white wedding.

Miss D: My first husband and I got married at a Justice of the Peace. When he found that out, he started planning a church wedding with the works and so, here we are.

And with that sentence I was REALLY okay with her marrying my FIL.

Not that I was ever NOT okay with it, just conflicted because I really did love my MIL very much…and even though she was gone I felt like it’s SO SOON and how could he already be with somebody else? Not that I expected him to live the rest of his life alone and lonely or anything, because I really didn’t.

And so, congratulations Pops and Grandma D. I love you both.

P.S. It should be noted that I fully expect for no one to compare in my husband’s eyes and for him to mourn my passing for the rest of his life, that is…if I don’t figure out a way to take him with me. Because really I’m a selfish bitch and if I can’t have him, nobody can.

P.P.S. You think crotch-less panties are an inappropriate bridal gift? Do you think I can get them in a pack of 3??