Thursday, June 19, 2008

Open Letter

Dear Mr. Too Lazy to Take your Kid to the Doctor,

You know your Doctor's office called me 10 minutes before I left work and BEGGED to schedule your 3 year olds STAT outpatient test for tomorrow. And then told me at the last minute to tell me you would be paying CASH. (I know this is hard to believe, but nobody wants you paying cash in a hospital, we would much rather bill the crap out of your insurance).

Why would you call me to tell me you are in San Diego today and don't want to come in tomorrow?Because you thought about it, and he's not sick enough to drive alllll the way back even though your doctor wants this done ASAP? Because it would ruin your good time? Because you are a giant JERK? What do you mean, "are we open Saturday?" Yes we are, but only if you are admitted as a patient, which may happen if you don't do what your doctor says.

I'll bet you called your doctor up and worried him hairless talking about how sick your kid is and how he needs to be seen RIGHT NOW. Well RIGHT NOW is here, and you are woefully unprepared. RIGHT NOW, instead of bringing your ass down here to take care of business, you decided it's not worth cutting your trip short, and so I'll bet you even though I had to call in a favor to schedule this test, I bet your raggedy tail won't even show up and then you will call the doctor back and insist that they call me back and reschedule for Monday and I'm sure you'll take any time that we have long as it's convenient for you.

I don't know if anybody has ever told you this, having kids is not always convenient. Sometimes, instead of partying hardy, you have to take sick kids to the hospital, even if you are in San Diego.

I hope that while you are in San Diego, you go to the Wild Animal Park. I hope that they have a bee exhibit that goes horribly wrong and that every bee in a 20 mile radius sees you as nectar from the heavens, and stings the crap out of you. AND I hope you have a severe, but not life threatening allergic reaction that lands you in the hospital. Then maybe while you're in ER trying to recover, they'll take your kid up and get his test done.


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