Wednesday, May 20, 2009


It's Pop Quiz time again, boys and girls!

This weekend I was in Vegas. It was 1000 degrees there. Still had a good time. When I emailed my friend to tell her what I did I told her that I:

a) was drunk before noon everyday that I was there.

b) got a wicked tan because even though I was sitting in the shade wearing sunblock SPF 5000, the sun hates me and doesn't think I'm dark enough.

c) humped a boy's leg (because he was cute and I was drunk).

d) photobombed somebody's picture at a No Doubt concert.

e) laughed so hard I cried.

f) ate at Stack in the Mirage, where a guy stared at my friend's boobs all through dinner, then paid our bill because he said we were all so beautiful.

g) mocked a guy who bought me several drinks because I was drinking a more manly drink than he was. What guy drinks mai tai's in public? THAT guy, the one who also waxes his eyebrows and don't EVEN get me started on that.

h) called a loser friend in Boston at midnight to rub in console him because his team got dealt with in the NBA finals. (Let's go, Lakers! or is it...We want tacos!)

i) ALL of the above

j) NONE of the above


k) Damn girl. Did you ever hear what happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas?

answer: NOT when you go with a blogger...hahahaha

Monday, May 11, 2009

Kicking it Ye Olde School

Every year since I returned from the east coast (where a friend reminded me how much fun these are), I pull out my corsets and go to the Southern California Renaissance Faire. I try to go at least twice. Once with my friends when I can drink as long as I can lift my mug, and a 2nd time with the brats, where I try not to scar the kids with wild and out of control behavior.

I had SUCH a blast. This year for the Girls Day Out...there was this guy, who gave me & one of the other wenches free tickets for the cost of a picture.

There was drinking.....

And a kilt check....NO, I didn't take a picture of that. I look crazy to you? Shaddup.

All in all, I'd say that a good time was had by all. The next weekend, I took The Brat... and some of my other friends went and took their kids too. This was the family show, where all the bawdy behavior was kept to a minimum.

There was this guy, who couldn't resist taking a picture with a fairy

Group Photos

And because it was so hot, there was also this guy, who volunteered to keep us cool...

I said bawdy behavior was kept to a minimum*...Besides, I really AM was hot.

*If I didn't do these kinds of things, what would The Brat have to talk about when she starts going to therapy...?

Monday, May 4, 2009

Because I'm all about striking up conversation

This weekend (again) I went to the So Cal Renaissance Pleasure faire. As soon as my lazy friends send me pictures, I promise that I will post a REAL story all about the fun and good times. Yes, I know that I have plenty of nerve calling my friends LAZY when I refuse to go out and buy a damn camera and really, I’m waiting on The Man to go out & get me the digital camera I’ve been begging for about a month now. But I digress.

I think it is my fate in life to have completely ridiculous conversations with famous people.

As we were leaving the faire, I decided to make one more stop to the Privy because a) I had a few hard ciders and b) I have the bladder the size of a pea. I was almost ran over by a little boy in an Ironman costume. Apparently, I am not the only one – with the tiny bladder that is. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one drinking, but I’m just going to assume the little boy was not drunk.

ANYWHOOTER, I’m attempting to get all my skirts up because port-a-potty’s are gross when the kid runs into the potty next to me.

Ironman: Oh no…OH NO!! It’s too late
Helpful maiden: Are you okay?
Ironman: NO! Where’s my mommy?
HM: You need me to find her for you?
Ironman: Yes. Her name is *Ironman’s Mom*

Helpful maiden is wandering around the eating area calling for Ironman’s mom. Me? I’m trying not to drop my purse and fan into the toilet and get my skirts down. But when I come out, helpful maiden STILL was yelling for Ironman’s Mom.

After I WASH MY HANDS (because Ren Faire or not..handwashing is important) and see that helpful maiden is still wandering the eating area, I remember that I saw Ironman’s Mom sitting on a bale of hay. I walk over, and who do I spy sitting with Ironman’s Mom?

Me: Hi, are you Ironman’s Mom?
IM: Yes.
Me: Errr…Ironman needs you in the privvies.
IM: …?
Me: I think he had an accident. I was in the privvy next to him. Also, please let helpful maiden know that you are Ironman’s Mom. She’s been screaming your name for like, 5 minutes. (because I TOTALLY say, *like*, *totally* AND *awesome*. My college education, y’all. Hard at work)
IM: (exit, stage right)

As I’m walking away thinking WOW, that chaka khan sure is pretty up close and she’s not wearing any make-up and freckles, she has freckles…

CK: Thanks. How did you know it was her?
Me: Because I saw him (YOU) when I walked over. Good thing, since….
CK: What happened?
Me: (see 1st recap)
CK: Wow.
Me: Yeah, helpful maiden would not have known to come all the way over here looking for you.
CK: Thanks again

My inside thought…only I would meet a star when I’m NOT at work, so I can totally talk about it, but then I have to tell people that I had a conversation with chaka khan about her friend’s son who had a meltdown in a port-a-potty and peed on himself. Life does not get better than this.