I've got mail

I have several thousand e-mail addresses. The one that I've had since I've had a computer (an AOL e-mail address if you can believe it). I keep it so that people who have lost touch with me will always have a way to find me. I always check it, and it's also generally the one that family uses. A Yahoo one that I use for "other stuff": paypal, promotional e-mails for stuff like RueLaLa, discount hotel offers to Vegas (please stop it. I can't afford to go back yet and all these super discounted rates are mocking me. MOCKING ME), concert information - because I go to a LOT of concerts, it's also linked to my Facebook, and...back in the day..I even got porn to that e-mail address. Long Story. I have an "I'm a professional" e-mail address, a work e-mail that I sometimes, okay...OFTEN get personal e-mails sent to, and the one for here: youbethekettle (at) gmail.com.

I got a lot of fucking e-mail addresses. But, I'm going to talk about my yahoo one. Why? Because it's becoming the bane of my freakin' existence right now. I've never had so much mail in my entire life. This yahoo one... generally, if I sign up for something, that's the one I use. Unless I'm mad at The Man. Then I use his. I know. Fuckery at it's finest. But at least he knows my horoscope, and when Tom Jones is going to be in concert. Moving on. I signed up for Facebook on a fluke. Because a friend of mine has all of his pictures there, and I couldn't see them until I signed up.

ANYWAYS, for a long while, I never used it. Then my sister was all "Hey, DINOSAUR, get with it and get on Facebook." Which, SURPRISE! I was already on but not using. So then I'd posted an update:

I signed up for a fantasy football league. I have no idea what I'm doing and draft day is Sunday. Suggestions, comments...HELP?
Yesterday at 8:54am · via iGoogle Gadget · Comment · Like · Remove

Let the crap-tastic amount of e-mails begin: "...XXX commented on your status..." Heaven forbid that you mess around and comment on somebody ELSE'S status. Because then? You're getting eleventy thousand emails every time ANYBODY comments "..xxx also commented on JoeBlow's status". And I don't even know these people, more importantly could care less what they think. More to the point, I would prefer not to get an e-mail everytime somebody says BOO.

These e-mails add up. Facebook will send you e-mails if somebody:

• sends a message
• adds me as a friend/ confirms request
• posts on my wall
• pokes me
• tags me in a photo
• tags one of MY photos
• coments on my photos
• comments AFTER me on a random photo
• leaves a wall comment
• comments AFTER me on somebody ELSE'S wall story
• sent me an drink, or a smile, or a chug it request, or a sorority life thingamajig
• does anything at all to me
• the list goes on and on....

My e-mail was blowin' up y'all...and not in the good way. In the "Fuckin' A...what the hell is all this shit?!" way. I was deleting messages so fast that I was actually MISSING the stuff I wanted to read. Don't you hate that? You're all in the zone and before you know it, you've deleted that pre-sale info about NIN's final tour and you threw it in the trash because you thought it was another g.d. facebook message?

So. I went back and changed everything. Unchecked it ALL. I don't want y'all sending me e-mails about anything. I will check my own friends requests, and respond to those people I want to respond to and ignore everything else (No more pillow fights, food flings, what kind of rock star am I, no kisses, no hugs...just...NO)

I can just feel my aggravation ease now that I am no longer receiving crazy amounts of e-mail. Well... I mean I *STILL* receive crazy amounts of e-mail, just...about stuff I care about. Like $35/night room rates in Vegas, and pre-sale info for various bands (speaking of...WTF Paramore?! I can't/won't take a 13 year old girl to a concert on a THURSDAY, she's got school on Friday), and upcoming boutiques. Even though I'm sort of on a haitus for shopping/concert going, I still wanna know what's going on in the world of people who go places and people who do stuff.

So I'll content myself with reading e-mails from cousins, of the next 9West sale, jokes from long lost friends, and comments from you.

YES, *YOU*. I see you reading this. Now, pop on in the comments and say "hey!"

A love/hate letter

Dear Hard Rock Las Vegas,

I want you to know how much I love you. I’ve pretty much been in love with you since I went to see the Foo Fighters at the Joint. There were cute boys who bought me drinks, cute boys to dance with, and cute boys who almost –ALMOST – made forget I was happily married. I had one of the best nights ever, which is saying a lot since just earlier in the day I was totally & completely hung over and not quite sure that I was going to be able to make it out alive.

Since THAT trip to Vegas, I’ve been back to visit you several more times. And I’ve had a blast every single time. But you know I can’t just come and visit you whenever I want. I’ve got a job, BILLS, a husband who doesn’t love Vegas as much as I do, rent…You get the idea. I can’t be blowing several hundred dollars a month messing around with you.

And yet, you mock me. You relentlessly and unfeelingly send me hotel deals for weekends in Vegas. You tempt me with concerts of people you KNOW I want to see AND you give me presale passwords, so I can get the jump on concert tickets. WHY are you torturing me? It’s not enough that I’ve been to Vegas 3 times already? That I just saw No Doubt w/ Paramore at the Mandalay Bay and I STILL managed to come over and gamble a substantial amount of money at the Hard Rock?

It can’t be, because this morning you sent me an email telling me that No Doubt is coming to the JOINT with Panic! At the Disco. Blink 182? Also? Green Day playing ON MY ANNIVERSARY WEEKEND? Wait..that's at the Mandalay Bay. But still, you know that I will end up over there drinking too much, flirting too much and gambling too much. Dirty pool, my friend.

Anyways, as much as I love you, I hate you. And as much as it pains me to admit it, it’s obvious that you hate me too. Otherwise why would you torture me with Stone Temple Pilots and Incubus tickets? Super cheap hotel rooms? Yes, I know I could totally see these people in LA, but everyone knows that concerts are more fun in Vegas. Especially you.

So I just wanted you to know, you’re a jerk. And I don’t appreciate you taunting me with fun laughs and good times (and gambling) when you know I can’t afford it.

Go straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect (my) $200…

Love,
Me.

P.S. I’ll see you in the fall.

They ARE watching

It's official. Somebody is recording my random conversations so that movies that I want to see, come on television right when I want to see them.

I have a list of movies on my blockbuster account 250 movies long, so I thought it was just coincidence that just as a movie hit the top of my queue, it would come on TV. Ohh, I can dismiss things like Hairspray! After all, it had just come to cable and they were running it, like, every 3 hours on the hour. But when I started adding obscure/OLD movies like Please don't eat the daisies, or How to marry a millionaire...and they would come on AMC or TCM about a week later. I began to get suspicious. Is there someone listening to my conversations and checking MY list of flix to schedule TV Programming..?

Think I'm making it up? Last week, I had a conversation about a movie that I watch whenever it comes on. No, not that one, Save the Last Dance (not better, I know). And I discovered that there is a part 2. Didn't know that? Surprise! Me either. Anyways, someone volunteered to let me borrow their copy, and I'm all, I'll come & pick it up tomorrow. And I get home, and guess what's on: Save the Last Dance 2. On MTV. Well. What the hell?

Example #2: Please Don't Eat the Daisies is one of my all time favorite Doris Day movies. I was talking to my cousin because she called to tell me Pillow Talk was on (another fave) and I said, I should just BUY my favorite movie. Then I thought, well...when's it coming on?

TCM
Fri, Nov 28, 1:15 AM
Please Don't Eat the Daisies

So I guess I don't have to. It'll be on next week. Next on my list: West Side Story and Sideways. Sideways is not airing in the next 2 weeks, but West Side Story? Next Wednesday @ 8PM.

Really? I mean, I realize the whole point is that they are supposed to be airing things that people want to see...but is there somebody besides me who wants to see Don't Bother to Knock? Which, incidentally is coming on Friday, at 6AM on HBO.

I was completely unaware that they had began stalking me by internet and listening in on my conversations to see what I'M watching. But whatev. I may as well use this power for good.

Anybody wanna see Batman Begins...?

Boo-ya. Coming on Monday, the 24th at 7PM on FX.

You're welcome.