So...'member how I said Tuesday was My First Day Back at work? Nope. Just Kiddin'. It was my practice day back at work. Sound foolish? What the hell am I talking about? Well gather 'round, and I'll tell you a story about my "second" day at work also known as my "paid vacation from my paid vacation".
I was at work ALL DAY LONG on Tuesday. And that's saying a lot when you consider I haven't been doing anything but sitting around with my foot up since July. Tuesday, before end of day, the HR person calls me and says "I uhh....don't have a clearance for you." I'm supposed to be cleared? MD note not enough, huh? Gotta go to employee health? Too late to do it today, so I go the next day.
Imagine: Me, somewhat Quasimodo-style, dragging my big fancy boot over to Employee Health. But still fashionably attired, after all...I can't wear fancy shoes, so I need to step up the outfit game:
Me: So I'm here to get clearance.
EH: You've been out? (see how much they missed me?)
Me: No, I heard you guys were having a sale.
EH: ...(can't take a joke those Employee Healthsters)
Me: ::sigh:: I've been out, I was told to come here to be cleared.
EH: do you have a note?
Me: Nope, nobody said I needed a NOTE too.
EH: Can you get a note today?
Me: :::grumbling & calling my doc::: Nope, doc's out til tomorrow.
EH: Well then, can't go back to work. See you tomorrow!
Me: limped out of the office as fast as my fancy walking boot would carry me.
What I did instead of working? Target, I needed to finish shopping for the Brat. I got notebooks, agenda books, a Sex & the City box set and a dress (Target IS the devil, y'all. I swear). I got a pedicure, purple nail polish, do I want the deluxe pedi? SURE, why the heck not! I went to see Death Race. Yeah, yeah...don't judge me. It's starring Jason Statham, and have you seen him? (You're welcome.) And then I came home and took a nap.
I know, right? Hard to believe they pay me for this...