Friday, August 15, 2008

Where I tell you how I'm going to take over the world

With my boobs. Yep, that's how. If this is a "Man's World" then that's all I'm going to need.

Think I'm lying? So far, they've gotten me back stage at concerts, free tickets to a movie premier and they've gotten me out a speeding ticket (hello, Mr. Officer, my eyes are UP HERE). "The Girls" are so popular, I sometimes forget they're with me.

What is it with men & boobs? Is it that they never forget their first meal? Who knows. All I know is that my sparkling wit and pretty face can only get me so far. But the girls can push me right over the top. I once went to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. Used to be, you could bring in your wine and food and enjoy it inside the venue. It's one of the better things about going there, which is good because the parking is a freakin' NIGHTMARE. Anyways, my guess is, somewhere along the way they decided that depending on the evening's entertainment, perhaps wine bottles weren't a good thing, so they banned it. As in, you have to buy whatever it was they were selling at prices as high as giraffe pussy.

Unfortunately for me, I didn't know that until after me & my friends had stocked up the picnic basket with FOUR bottles of wine and subs and chips and stuff. We take a look at the line to go in and see that the wine nazis are tossing perfectly good bottles of wine. What do we do instead? We decide to drink 2 bottles and just try to smuggle in 2 bottles. The plan? Have the girl with the big boobs razzle dazzle them, so they won't dig as deep in the basket.

Me (slightly smashed): Here's my basket.
Security: Do you have any contraband in there?
Me: If I did, do you think I'd tell you?
Him (NOT looking in the basket, looking at the girls): hehe...I guess you wouldn't.
Me: All I've got are subs & chips, nothing to see here.
Him: Sub & chips, nothing to see here.
Me: That's right. We all done here?
Him (starting to drool): All done here.
Me(batting my eyes, although I'm not sure why, he didn't look at them ONCE): Thank you so very much.

So it turns out, the girls are not only decorative, they can also be used as a hypnotizing device. Which I suppose is good to know, so that when I do start my bid to take over the world, all I need is a really good push up bra, some duct tape and some WD-40. I just kinda threw the WD-40 in there, you never know when something is gonna need lubrication.


Carol said...

This is why I'm never gonna get the opportunity to take over the world, severely lacking in boob-al region.

Shania said...

I'm going to start practicing my Jedi boob trick immediately. When I'm proficient, we'll join forces and world domination will be ours!

Kori said...

And this would be terrible were it not SO true!

Anonymous said...

POWER TO THE BOOBS. I've been getting away with murder for years!! Don't bother batting your eyes. Just lean forward and give your shoulders a little shake. It works. (except at the airport)

Mamasphere said...

"Is it that they never forget their first meal?" LMAO.

Heather @ A Boy, A Girl, A Pug said...

What a wonderful idea! Take over the world with my milk filled boobs!!


Katie Says said...

Power too The GIRLS! Lucky you were blessed with the real thing. I'm JEALOUS. I had to purchase mine just so I wouldn't look like a little boy. ;)

Katie Says said...

ooooh I gave you an award on my blog, lady! ;) check it out.

Lola said...

I wasn't blessed with world conquering boobs either, but I know just what VS bra to wear to use them to my greatest advantage.

As for the wine smuggling, I would have done the exact same thing. It's amazing what I've walked into concerts with.

Love your boobs -- err, blog, by the way!

The Nice One said...

LMAO...oh yes...TOTALLY. Thank god I've got 'em. Be lost with out 'em. said...

Oh, we are so eye to eye on this. Or is that areola to areola?

wendy said...

I recently checked into a hotel and the little boy (OK - little to me...he was probably in his EARLY twenties at best...if he was even legal) who was on check-in duty said our room was not ready. (I was travelling with a colleague - not The Husband!). Well, this little boy *could not* make eye contact with me. At one point, while he was conversing with "The Girls" I was ready to bend my knees in order to make eye contact! LOL!

Go Boobs!