With my boobs. Yep, that's how. If this is a "Man's World" then that's all I'm going to need.
Think I'm lying? So far, they've gotten me back stage at concerts, free tickets to a movie premier and they've gotten me out a speeding ticket (hello, Mr. Officer, my eyes are UP HERE). "The Girls" are so popular, I sometimes forget they're with me.
What is it with men & boobs? Is it that they never forget their first meal? Who knows. All I know is that my sparkling wit and pretty face can only get me so far. But the girls can push me right over the top. I once went to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. Used to be, you could bring in your wine and food and enjoy it inside the venue. It's one of the better things about going there, which is good because the parking is a freakin' NIGHTMARE. Anyways, my guess is, somewhere along the way they decided that depending on the evening's entertainment, perhaps wine bottles weren't a good thing, so they banned it. As in, you have to buy whatever it was they were selling at prices as high as giraffe pussy.
Unfortunately for me, I didn't know that until after me & my friends had stocked up the picnic basket with FOUR bottles of wine and subs and chips and stuff. We take a look at the line to go in and see that the wine nazis are tossing perfectly good bottles of wine. What do we do instead? We decide to drink 2 bottles and just try to smuggle in 2 bottles. The plan? Have the girl with the big boobs razzle dazzle them, so they won't dig as deep in the basket.
Me (slightly smashed): Here's my basket.
Security: Do you have any contraband in there?
Me: If I did, do you think I'd tell you?
Him (NOT looking in the basket, looking at the girls): hehe...I guess you wouldn't.
Me: All I've got are subs & chips, nothing to see here.
Him: Sub & chips, nothing to see here.
Me: That's right. We all done here?
Him (starting to drool): All done here.
Me(batting my eyes, although I'm not sure why, he didn't look at them ONCE): Thank you so very much.
So it turns out, the girls are not only decorative, they can also be used as a hypnotizing device. Which I suppose is good to know, so that when I do start my bid to take over the world, all I need is a really good push up bra, some duct tape and some WD-40. I just kinda threw the WD-40 in there, you never know when something is gonna need lubrication.