Sunday, July 25, 2010

File this under: Things I didn't know I had to tell people.



A couple of weeks ago, a friend talked me into going on a completely unplanned trip to Las Vegas with her because it was her birthday. She said she'd buy my plane ticket and rent the hotel room. What she DIDN'T say is that she had been seeing  a guy who just happens to live in Vegas, and that she was going to meet up with him once we hit town. Which...okay. I don't really have a problem with because you are allowed to do whatever you want with your twat as long as it doesn't affect me.

But let's just say that we all go back to the room to watch TV. And I fall asleep, because it's Vegas, I've been drinking and I'm hot and tired and slightly hungover from the previous night where I stupidly went out and SAID I was going to leave around 9 because I had an early day planned and then didn't leave until after midnight after having one tequila shot too many, and I wake up to SEX SOUNDS but since I'm in the room and you are FORTY-FUCKING-SOMETHING years old I KNOW this can't be happening, BUT IT IS. I AM REALLY LYING HERE PRETENDING TO BE SLEEPING WHILE YOU BANG THIS GUY IN THE BED not even 2 feet from my bed. So then I fall back asleep in self-defense before I spontaneously explode and/or completely go ape shit because I can't even believe this really happened.** I guess I didn't know this was something I need to say but, for the record:


I DON'T WANT TO BE PRESENT WHEN YOU HAVE SEX.



I leave in a huff because REALLY? Who does that? You call me. And after I tell you about yourself, I *still* have to tell you that this dude is not spending the night?

I guess we can agree that at this point, her cooch is interfering with my good time, yes? I am forced to stage an intervention, and remind the her thoughtless twat that SHE invited me to spend the weekend with her, to drink, gamble and lay by the pool. Not to listen to her get laid.

The rest of the weekend was not horrible. She ditched the dude after that, and the next day we went over to the Hard Rock to gamble and flirt with cute boys. I even managed to bring home my spending money. Although, I suspect it was only because they knew I would be returning the next week and knew that it would hurt more when they snatched it away on my next trip out. (Note: it did. OUCH)

Still though, I can never really have a BAD time in Vegas. But if figures that the one time it would have been totally awesome to have been so drunk that I have NO memory of the things that went on my weekend in Vegas, I remember EVERY. SINGLE. DETAIL. Gah!



**Also, I would like to mention that porn with people that I don't know on a DVD that I can turn on/off when I want to see it? OK. Unrequested, spontaneous live-action porn starring friends? Not. OK. EVAR.

***AND, after the profuse apologizing, she bought us tickets to see The Lion King. A show I HIGHLY recommend you go see. For serious.

8 comments:

Penny Lane said...

Um, I love this but also can't believe it! Poor you. Gross. And odd given you nor your friend are teenagers. Although I think most teenagers would understand that rule. In despite of all this, I'd still like to go to Vegas.

JustOneMiss said...

Wait, wait, WAIT. HE lives IN Vegas yet was in YOUR hotel room? Couldn't they have gone to his place? That is fucking gross.

misstejota said...

What is this college and even then it wasn't okay. You are a true friend because even my non-confrontational behind could have gone back to sleep while that was going on. You are way better than most!

Lisa said...

This happened to me once, while living in employee housing at a very fancy resort. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. I woke up in a huff, showered, and went to work at 4am.

The hotel was 100% occupied, or else I would have gone to shower in one of the rooms.

It is absolutely gross. And unacceptable. I'm with you. :)

Burgh Baby said...

That might be worth it for Lion King tickets. Maybe.

Mom2Jazz said...

O.M.G. I dont even know what to say...ummm yeah.

Beck said...

You are so damn funny!

Superjules said...

Gah! GAH!!! Wow.