Monday, September 15, 2008

A Westside Story

Today I'm going to tell you a story about star crossed lovers, also known as Me and The Man.

In LA there are lots and lots of college football teams. But only TWO football teams that matter.
At some point in your life, you decide which team deserves your undiluted, completely psychotic loyalty. (Yes you do, you decide...nobody wants to hear they are both LA teams so you can support them both. NO.YOU.CAN'T. Only a pussy doesn't choose sides, ya'hear?) Ahem. Back to the story. Well, the girl (that's me y'all), who has lived in LA all of her young life chooses the best school. (And I dare you to say different.)

That's right. SHE is a University of So. California fan, as any reasonable person in So. Cal should be. Good Education, yeah, it's expensive, but so is she (*wink wink*), and like her, it's SOO worth it. And she loved her Trojans BEFORE Pete Carroll was head coach...she loved them even when they were BAD. And that's bad meaning bad, not bad meaning good.

The girl meets a boy, later to become The Man. They fall in love, have babies, get that order...and then start talking football. Lets go to a game, he says. Yes, let's, she says. We can go to the USC/UCLA game. They start looking at seating...Oh, look. They've got some down in front on the USC side. Perfect!, she says. He says...&$)*#(@@*^$. We'll just say he vetoed that idea. Something that sounded like I'll see you in hell before I sit on the sidelines with those m-f'ing rat bastard Trojans. Turns out The Man is a Westwood loving, Bruin cheering dirtbag. How was she going to live with The Man, now? This...infidel?

They had to come to sort of compromise, after all, it was too late to divorce him, even though he's already proven to have horrible judgement. First he cheers for the Bruins, next he WILL jump off a bridge because all of his friends are doing it.

They decide that despite it all, they love each other enough to overlook this very LARGE fault in HIM each other...and like those couples who never discuss politics, decide that they will not discuss football, except for 2 occasions. The cross town rivalry game, which becomes weeks of wearing fan gear and smack talking before the big game and if the other team loses.

This had been working out fine. UCLA lost some, USC lost a few. She gets to mock The Man every time the Trojans play in the Rose Bowl, because that IS the Bruins home, and these last few years, we've been playing at their house, while they've been playing the Toilet Bowl...also known as the "Bowl Nobody Cares About". He gets to ride her because the #1 spot had been stolen by Ohio state in the BCS Bowl *coughcoughBULLSHIT BOWLcough*

But this weekend, this weekend, I think I may have reached my quota of talking about his team.

This Saturday, BOTH teams played and we watched both games, a rare show of love and friendship. And do you know what happened?

UCLA (0) vs. Brigham Young University (59)

That's right, they didn't just lose. BYU beat them like they stole somethin'...And I felt honor bound to point out that they haven't lost like that since USC (couldn't leave that out). Then we got in the car, and we went to a friend's house to watch the USC game. That game?

USC (35) vs. Ohio State (3)

And what could make a Trojan fan happier than winning their game? UCLA losing theirs.

So if I come up missing, please know that my shit talking ways got the best of me and he probably buried me alive in the backyard. Please send help.


wendy said...

OMG, I am SUCH a gloater! The Husband and I like most of the same teams (we're pro fans since we went to the same college and our football team sucked anyway) so we don't have too much to fight about in the world of football. HOWEVER, whenever I'm right (always) I gloat. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Mamasphere said...

I worked at UCLA when I lived in L.A. My coworkers were fanatics. Complete nuts. If I hadn't pretended I was a big Bruin fan, I would've been fired for sure.

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

ooooohhhhhh.....I am a Buckeye and I beyond embarassed. You KILLED us. I may be swearing off football.
I am happy there is harmony in your house though ;)

Miss said...

Amen sister. USC is the shit.

Katie said...

This is hilarious. You definitely are a "house divided." ;) I am sad to say that I spewed profanity when USC beat OU in the Orange Bowl. DAMN YOU! ;) Being an alum from OU, I have to support the only thing we have going in Oklahoma.

Trooper Thorn said...

Good thing Coach's Newheisel and Carrol don't have to live together.