Why Target is the Devil

So I'm leaving town tomorrow. Gotta fly down south to attend a funeral. And with all the new fangled RULES about what I can fly with, I figure I will just go get some travel sized crap to shove in my bag.





I have a unreasonable, deep & unabated hate for WalMart, so that leaves me with Target. And while the Target by my house is ghetto fabulous, it's STILL better than the WalMart of Death (because the WALMART by my house is both ghetto AND dangerous). Anyways, I head in with my list

1. soap
2. lotion
3. toothpaste
4. sunblock
5. mouthwash
6. floss

Bonus! I get to ride in one of those driveable carts because I'm crippled and can't be hobbling all over the Target on crutches. Good Times y'all. I only once knocked over a whole row of purses because I was trying to get the hang of steering.

But I digress. I went in for a few .99 cent items because I didn't want TSA throwing away my fancy soap/lotion. And I DID get that stuff. But while I was there, I thought I would look at flip flops, and then saw THE UNTOUCHABLES on sale for $7.00, so in the cart it goes. Oh, and they DO have flip flops: in blue and green. I'll take those, I've been looking for green shoes. As we are making our way back to the register...Ohhhh...look at THAT dress, it's white and it's got POCKETS! And that cute shirt, in green? Good, then it will match my flip flops. My "driver" several thousand paperback books, a dress and a cute purse. None of which she had PLANNED to purchase, she was just taking me since I don't drive.

Got that? SO. I went in for all that stuff I told you about earlier AND: travel size shaving gel, q-tips, eye liner, white dress with pockets, cute greet shirt, flip flops (2), The Untouchables, and tic tacs (because they are so very yummy). Cost of my supposedly quick trip? $80.00

Damn you Target, you did it again. You with your sneaky low prices that add up, and cute clothes and make up. You know I can't live without eyeliner. And if I'm going to go see The Man's country cousins, I have to be up on my game presentable. But damn you for making it too easy to buy pretty dresses I don't need because I was already mostly packed AND had remembered NOT to pack my "Tu eres un pendejo" Tshirt because it was inappropriate, even though I'm pretty sure none of them speak any spanish. And I hate you because of all your cute shoes I didn't buy because I have a hot pink cast on my foot, so patent leather anykindofshoe would be just plain crazy. Oh wait, no...THANK YOU, because that would have added another $50 to the cost of this trip.