Thursday, July 14, 2011

And this is why I need to never be single

I went out with my cousin last night.

I hadn't really planned on it. I had actually planned to go home, and you know... be responsible and study. BUT. I was going to a place called Big Wangs. Who turns down going to Big Wangs? Not me, apparently.

It was fun. She works with cops, and they were a nice bunch. I didn't want to say "Fuck the Police" not even once.

She's single. And I'm not. WHICH. I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH. I feel like that needs to be said in all caps, in case anyone is not paying attention. I mostly like my husband. But even when I don't, I still want him around.

Anyhoots. Back to my story. So we have some drinks, eat some wings (and hot DAMN, they were good!). One of the guys bought a round of drinks for the table. The cousin was being chatted up, so I was playing wingman...talking to the drinkbuyer guy. When not texting pictures of my ridiculousness.

It should be noted that I don't see myself as irresistible. Nor do I assume that every guy that talks to me is trying to get into my pants.

Drinkbuyer guy wants to know what I'm taking pictures of, and I show him. Because, why not? Pictures of my drinks, gratuitous pictures of myself, random look-at-my-cute-baby-kitties pictures. Whatever. Like you don't take pictures of your pets. So then he asks if I have any other pictures? Nope. Just got a new memory card.

I think I missed what he was actually asking for...

Because THEN he says, why don't you go into the bathroom and take some pictures?


Uhh...the fuck? Hell no. What's wrong with you?

Apparently THAT was offensive. Because then he told me I should go home to my husband. Um. I will. Don't worry.

Which leads me to ask...WTF is wrong with people? Why would a perfect stranger think it's okay to ask somebody they just met who wasn't even pretending to be interested, AND, told you she was married... AND? Doesn't seem like some Slutty McSkankypants, to go into a sports bar bathroom and take sexytime pictures for random dude, i.e. NOT HER HUSBAND? I mean, yes, I've been married a REALLY. LONG. TIME. But...why is this okay?

My assumptions for these types of situations is that it must have worked at some point with somebody (and if I ever find out who, I will kick her right in the taco), because why else would he ask? I know what they say about assuming, but still.

How about instead of asking strangers to show you pictures of their chocha, you find an AVAILABLE woman, and get to know her, and take her on dates and shit (because bitches like dates and shit), and THEN, after you and she are in some sort of relationship, you tell your SIGNIFICANT OTHER TYPE PERSON to go into random sports bar bathroom and take sexytime pictures? Because then it's you keeping spice in your relationship! And being adventurous!

Not pervy and weird. Or assholey and gross. Or any of the other thousand of offensive adjectives that was.


SUEB0B said...

What the hell. I know someone who teaches college and she tells me this stuff happens to her students ALL THE TIME, like these boys have grown up in such a "Girls Gone Wild" culture that they think women are just dying to take photos of their body parts for the enjoyment of random strangers/guys from class/people they barely know. This whole pornification of everything...women walking around with "pink" and "juicy" across their butts, restaurants called Pink Taco and Big Wangs...its all just kinda sleazy and weird and YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN I feel 1000 years old.

Avasmommy said...


And here I was, thinking I was ready to put myself out there and start dating again.

**Runs like hell for cover**

Mom2Jazz said...

Well...he *DID* buy you a drink. Isn't that like a bargain for exchange??? No???? LOL

Kori said...

It's disgusting and horrible and degrading, but I LOVE the way you tell it!

MrBrightSide said...

Prude!!! I mean... fucking funny!!!! You know I read this post with every inflection of your voice.... made it even funnier.

Superjules said...

Next time some creepy dude tells you to go take photos in the bathroom you should go.... take photos in the bathroom. Of, like, the sinks and the hand dryers and the tampon dispenser. HA, THAT'LL SHOW HIM.

Laural Out Loud said...

Holy crap! And then he tries to turn it around and make YOU out to be the bad guy? I love love love Superjules' idea.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

At first I was thinking what a jerk then all I could think is "taco" sorry after that it was "Red Dress from that new years party years ago."

taco taco taco

Holly said...

Chocha? Favourite word of that post. And if I ever have to date again (which fingers crossed is never plus a billion)I'm voting myself gay. Because women are not that stupid. As a general rule.