Thursday, March 5, 2009

Not really a fan

Dear Beyonce,

I'm going to be honest. I don't like you very much, but mostly because you're EVERYWHERE. I don't know why you have to be in every other commercial: Loreal, American Express. You're a pretty good singer. Really. I even paid too much money to take The Brat to see you in your "kicking Destiny's Child to the curb Final Tour". Sorry, I digress. I've come to a sort of stalemate. I won't change the radio station should you happen to come on (but let's face it, you very RARELY never come on my local rock station, and I very rarely listen to the R & B station).

MOVING ON..This weekend, I was at my SIL's house (for my niece's sleepover, and OMG those kids were some kind of hoochie and sassy and if any of the brat's friends had been all smart-mouthed like those girls I'd probably been writing this froma jail cell for child abuse. Sorry. Digressing again) and she had me watch your Diva video. Actually, I watched a Diva video of Sasha Fierce. Really. Bey? I feel I can shorten your name because I've seen you practically naked, and that should allow me not to stand on ceremony.
What the hell is with the leotards? Seriously. We get it already. You're sexy. You're body is hot shit. Of all the things you could have worn to get your point across THAT is what you chose? I don't understand. You've got stylists galore (sidenote: While it's not nice to talk about somebody's mama....REALLY? Your mom's out to get you. That dress is ugly) And quite frankly, you are sexier here, here AND here.


And Also, since I'm letting it all hang out...that leotard? It's been done already. Just recently. I'm sure being all about music and fashion and whatnot you already know that. But in case you didn't:


You should have left her alone in her leotard trend...but you didn't Bey..err Sasha...errr...whoever you are. Please stop. Before it gets out of hand.

Or is it already to late?
Signed,
Is tired of looking at crotches that don't have dollar bills stuffed in them.


7 comments:

Mom Taxi Julie said...

They are everywhere lately!

Jaycee said...

I thought it and you said it. This is when I officially had enough of Beyonce:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo5ZbgkCJH8

Notice the spanking & spread eagle gyrating. What momma was proud enough to do this? Shame, shame.

Aimeepalooza said...

Uggg, my best friend has a daughter that has been idolizing Beyonce for years...and even as a five year-old saying, "why isn't my hair, why am I darker, why, why, why."
And that is why I dislike Beyonce. So I made her trade me her Beyonce T-shirt for a purple
"Future President," T-shirt from NOW.

Miss said...

HAAHAHAHA you are SOO dead on here. She drives me crazy too.

kaila said...

I was scrolling down slowly agreeing with every word and BAM!
Justin Timberlake say it ain't so..
He is not "bringing sexy back" in that!!!!

Lisa said...

Well said.

Simplicity said...

I think the whole world is super saturated with Beyonce because you have hit the nail on the head! All of a sudden, I am acutely aware of her being EVERYWHERE!

That black and gold dress literally made my jaw drop. Hideous. Seriously hideous!

I must admit though, she sang Halo live at the NAACP awards and it was perfectly executed.

Poor heart. She's a walking dress mannequin with no personality. What could be worse!?

Oh wait...I have no clothes cause I'm poor...THAT could be worse! LOL! ;)