Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Imaginary twitters

So I went on a superbowl cruise this weekend. Also known as the booze cruise to mexico. Even though I won’t usually blog on the weekends, I DO twitter. But not this weekend. Why? Excellent question! Because I was too busy trying to get my camera to work (it didn’t. my camera totally crapped out on me the FIRST day of the superbowl weekend), drinking and being bitchy about all the hoochie mamas on the boat.

Let me just say this: If I didn’t KNOW FOR SURE that it would have caused dirty looks or even quite possibly a fist fight. I would have taken a ridiculous amount of pictures of strangers wearing bedazzled Obama shirts, a man as old as my grandfather wearing a sheer shirt with a track suit, and a gilr wearing a t-shirt and her panties to breakfast (I threw up a little in my mouth and then promptly lost my appetite)

AND THEN I get into international waters. Where I get a text message from my carrier who THEN tried to CHARGE ME EXTRA for said text because we were in international waters and I was "roaming".

But if I HAD twittered it probably would have looked a lot like THIS:

Friday (starting at 3PM)
finally on the boat -WOOT! Damn it's hot. Yes, I WOULD like a drink...

WOW. That girl's boobs are hanging out. Is her friend going to tell her, or let her sit there with tits staring at me? (for the record: she just let her sit there)

Observation: If you ask somebody if you look fat in this, you probably do. And you're friends should tell you so.

Fuck it. I'm not going to the safety brief with my life preserver.

I shoulda went, the cabin deck people kicked open the door on me & the man doing it.

Back on deck. Still drinking. gsladkfjasoieht Wants more rum.

Ensenada. FInally. Breakfast first. Then Papas & Beer

Ewww..T-shirt & panties for breakfast? REALLY? I know it's casual dining, but you would think PANTS would be in order.

Off the boat. 1st shot of Patron. Yes, I forced my auntie to take one too.

Papas & Beer. It's not even 10AM. And I want hot wings, street tacos & margaritas w/ Patron. Yes. Patron. I don't care if it's extra.

Has anybody seen my husband?

Found him! Drunk off his ass. Taking him back to the boat.

Hmm... good thing this trashcan is metal. I didn't know he drank THAT MUCH.

Really dude? You're not done yet?

....10PM. I'm going out. To drink sommore & gamble.

It's acceptable to drink with my breakfast when I'm on vacation, right? Rum & Sprite.

Let's go Steelers!

Holy shit! The Cardinals just realized they were at the Superbowl...

Ladies: When you go to a superbowl game, nobody wants to see you... we want to see football.

(there is a girl wearing a hat that says My President is Black) Uh.....

It's good that I didn't bet on this game. I wanted to...now I can't tell who's going to pull it off (that's what she said)

Well. Steeler win. Awesome.

Is the boat rocking or am I that drunk. I uhh..think it's both

dalkdfaldkdieaeppoapoe.....still drinking. Going to the roulette table. C'mon 11.

Silver sequined boots? Matching outfit? Is she channeling her inner Elvis? WTF?!

That girl right there? A real tattoo of Barack Obama ON.HER.ARM.

Okay. It's 2AM. I just saw a girl wearing the world's smallest dress, she bent over and I think I went blind for 5 minutes. I'm going to bed. I've had enough.


Shania said...

That actually sounds like a lot of fun. I wish I didn't get seasick.

kaila said...

Bummer about the camera - that would have totally ruined my weekend. That is, until I got drunk.

Lump said...

sounds like i need to go on a booze cruise!! :)

Anonymous said...

All I can say is RED DRESS

Brandy said...

LMAO! I love it...and so much of it's true although I haven't been on a cruise since the Obamacide happened. OH yeah I said it!

A real tattoo...of his face?! You gotta be kidding me.

Sounds like the alcohol was necessary for survival.